I sat there and stared at the jar full of folded up pieces of paper. I was dreading what was to come next. I felt I had no right to feelings of dread since, after all, the activity that was about to take place was my idea originally.
Two years ago, I came up with this brilliant idea that we should have a blessings jar at home for us to record our blessings from the year. We decided that we would sit down together and read through our records of God’s faithfulness on New Year’s Eve. Our jar was full and I should have been ecstatic, but my stomach was full of knots knowing that most of the records in the jar were related to our adoption journey and pre-adoptive placement.
I recalled being so excited as we recorded traces of God’s faithfulness all throughout that year. I just knew it would be so heartwarming to read through those records a year later after we were a family of three and celebrate all God brought us through TOGETHER. I never imagined that this exciting activity would later be just another reminder of the devastating end of our adoption journey with our boy.
As I awaited the opening of the blessings jar, I asked myself just how many of those blessings were related to our adoption. The answer…about 90%. To be honest, I wasn’t ready to see any type of blessing in my devastation.
This past year, I made goals for myself. I started tracking them well. Then the depression and panic attacks started. My goals quickly changed to making it out of bed and to work. I didn’t have much energy for anything else. We did start the blessings jar again, but as I sit here typing, there are maybe 10 records in the jar and I am sure they are all from my husband.
As 2019 comes to an end, I feel that I am at a better place than I was even three weeks ago. I still go to counseling regularly. My husband and I have stepped out of our comfort zones to try new activities that are just for us. I am getting ready to start my third class towards my Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and I am really starting to see how God is redeeming some of the heartache and struggle over the last year.
Here are some of the most valuable lessons I have learned this year:
- It is vitally important to take care of your mental health as it greatly affects your physical and spiritual health.
- I can and will continue to survive panic attacks that may come in the future with the tools my counselor has helped me identify.
- A support system is so important and unfortunately, depression can really cause you to retreat from any type of personal relationship.
- People who are healing can help other hurting people heal.
- Traces of God’s faithfulness, goodness, and involvement are woven all throughout of our life’s circumstances even though we may not see it.
I have decided that moving into 2020 that I am not going to make goals. Instead, I am making a task list. Unfortunately, I tend to look at goals as something I want to try for, not plans to accomplish.
So here is my simple task list for 2020:
- Dive into deeper Bible study with a friend.
- Reflect weekly on my strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments, thoughts, feelings, and encouragement. I have chosen a journal to use for the next three months. If I like it, I will order the next journal. Here is the link to the journal I am using if you are interested. Mindfulness Journal: Gratitude – Mindfulness – Habit Tracking – Goals
- Stay in contact with my friends in family at least once a week.
- Make a difference for the better in the life of one person a week.
- Clean my new Keurig Duo regularly so the water holding tank doesn’t start growing stuff!
I know flossing my teeth regularly should be on this task list since I promised my dentist, but I’m still recovering from having my wisdom teeth extracted the day after Christmas, so I feel like that task is a betrayal to my aching mouth at this moment!
Maybe you are reading this week’s blog post and you are dreading the process of reflecting over the events of this year. I understand. I have been there recently. Just know that as it says in the song below, God’s goodness is running after you today. Don’t give up hope. God is faithful and He will bring us through the darkest valleys. This is the essence of what Lessons From The Waiting Room Is All About.
This is your year. If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ – this is your year. If you have been failing to trust Him with everything – this is your year. If you feel like your life is not worth living – there is hope, this is your year. I am here to listen if you ever need to reach out to someone. Just message me. I promise that there will be no judgement or condemnation – only love and support to help you keep going.
Your goodness is running after
Taken from the song Goodness of God
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It keeps running after me
Written by Jenn Johnson, Jason Ingram, Ben Fielding, Ed Cash, Brian Johnson
Lessons From The Waiting Room 
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